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Jul. 23rd, 2009 10:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ashleyfanficTotally forgot I wrote this one!! I do remember that I had the hardest time writing this and after it I didn't join another fic exchange for a while because the requirements for this one stretched me too far. I mean, how do you justify Draco being an angel in the nativity play in a world that doesn't even address religion?! And, doing something that Ron would be more prone to do at the prodding of someone else than Draco ever would!?
Title: Love's Pure Light
Author: ashleyfanfic
Rating: R
Disclaimer: These are JKR's characters, I'm just playing with them and I'll put them back the way I found them...sort of.
Summary: Draco and Hermione come together again
Warning: Talk of baby death...
Author's Notes: Yeah, I had a hard time with this challenge. I hope it's what you wanted and that you like it because it was really difficult for me to get everything you wanted into this one. Thanks to inell for betaing this for me.
She stared into the fire, which she seemed to do more of in the last six months than she’d ever done in her entire life. She felt consumed by her thoughts, so lost and hurt that she didn’t know when she would ever come back from it. She felt there was no comfort for her grief, no going back to the days when she was just a simple happy girl with nothing to worry about. She’d lost the most precious thing in the world to her and the only other person who could understand her pain she didn’t want anywhere near her.
She didn’t hate him. She loved him, really. But the thought of allowing herself to be bedded again and to lose everything once more scared her in ways she couldn’t even voice. After the third time he tried to take her hand, six months ago, and she had flinched, he’s stopped trying. That must have hurt him as well. But she wasn’t ready for that kind of comfort. She didn’t want him to take all the pain away. What she wanted was her baby back, and he couldn’t give her that.
He had actually taken to staying in his study as much as possible, as well as a different bed. She didn’t like what their marriage had become, but her grief and pain were overruling her love for him. She didn’t want to see him out of fear that she would fling herself into his arms. She didn’t want him to touch her for fear that she might fall into the same trap. She couldn’t allow herself to fall victim to the sound of his voice and make the same mistakes they had before.
She sighed as she looked down at the ring on her hand. The white gold band glistened in the firelight, tormenting her from its resting place on her finger. It reminded her of what she used to be, what they used to be. Happy. She didn’t think she could ever be happy again. She’d lost her baby before she’d ever met her; she had died. Tears sprang to her eyes with this thought. She’d thought she had done everything right. She’d taken care of herself, and her husband had nearly waited on her hand and foot. But that day, that horrible day, she hadn’t felt the baby move. She thought that might be common, but after the second day, she knew, and couldn’t even put it into words for him to understand.
Only after she was at the hospital did she tell her husband that the baby hadn’t moved in two days and she thought she had lost the baby. Her suspicions were confirmed when the doctor entered the room, his eyes downcast. She started crying then, and didn’t stop for a month. She could hardly breathe with the pain that had settled over her chest. She’d gone back home, finding everything in the nursery destroyed, something she had looked forward to doing herself. He’d stood behind her, looking sheepish and scared. She’d said nothing as she’d gone to her their room by herself and locked herself in.
He made sure she ate; at the same time every day, food would arrive in her room. She’d eat a bite here and there, but couldn’t seem to hold anything down for too long. He’d grown concerned about her, and made sure to visit. She could see the dark circles under his eyes, and knew that this was taking its toll on him as much as it was her. After the third week of her not talking to him, not even a yes or no, he’d given up talking. He would bring her a book every once in a while, something she might enjoy reading while she was alone in her solitude, but she didn’t read. She just stared into the fire, wishing it would consume her so she wouldn’t have to feel this sort of pain anymore.
There was a knock at the door and she turned to see him enter, his hands hidden behind his back. It had to be hard on him. They had been so close, best friends, before this had happened. Now, she flinched from his touch and he was powerless to help her out of her misery. He’d lost weight. He was thin before, but he looked gaunt, and it saddened her. He was such a beautiful, handsome man before their hearts were broken.
“I have something to tell you.”
She watched him as he took the seat beside her and placed a circle lined with golden tensile on the table between them. She tilted her head to the side, trying to figure out what it was he’d just set beside her. She looked up at him with one eyebrow raised.
“It’s a halo. I was picked to be the angel in the upcoming nativity scene the Ministry will be hosting.” He looked hopeful, “I was hoping you’d come with me a week from tonight, as moral support.”
The unguarded look on his face, knowing how hard it was for him to show any sort of emotion, made her want to say yes. She felt tears well up in her eyes as she looked back at the fire and shook her head ‘no’. She didn’t want to see his face fall, the utter disappointment, she was sure, was written on her face. She didn’t want to see the sadness in his eyes.
“Why? Please, just...I’ve left you alone. I’ve not bothered you, not asked you for anything since we lost her.” She turned to look at him, their baby a subject they never spoke of, “All I’m asking is that you do this one thing. An hour at best. Please.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat, afraid she would let the sob burst forward if she didn’t. She turned from him again, and nodded before she looked down at her ring. She heard him release a deep breath and he stood, “I’ll leave you alone now,” he said before he leaned down to place a kiss on top of her head.
And he did. She noticed that he’d picked up the halo as it was no longer sitting on the table, and frowned at the now empty room. Again, she was alone.
*~*
The days came and went faster than she thought possible, and before she knew it, she was standing in front of her full length mirror, her hair pulled up, a lovely red dress on her body as she put on the locket he’d given her for their second wedding anniversary.
The knock on her door caused her to turn as first a gold halo peaked in, then the head of her husband. He smiled warmly at her as he walked completely into the room, causing her to smile. He looked down, a sneer to his lips, “I look like a ponce, don’t I?”
She chuckled and shook her head. She held out her charm bracelet, a gift for her birthday last year, as he walked to her and took it from her. She watched as he bit his lip at trying to get the clasp to fasten as he put it on her right wrist. She took care to notice that the wings were excellently done out of what appeared to be Hippogriff feathers. She hoped not, but they did look marvelous. The long robe he wore was tied off at the waist with a gold rope.
“Your friends will be there tonight. They’ll be happy to see you.”
She frowned but said nothing.
“Do you not want to see them?”
She shrugged and he sighed.
“Would you please talk to me?” he asked desperately.
She frowned as she looked down at her hand still in his. She didn’t know what it was he wanted her to say. She felt as if nothing she said would make a difference. She glanced up to see that he was staring at their fingers still clasped together.
He sighed, “You look beautiful.” Her eyes met his and she gave him a small smile. “I want you to enjoy yourself.” She gave him a look clearly stating that she was happy to have his permission to do so, and he shook his head. “I didn’t mean it that way. This is just the first time since Andrea...” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I just want you to be happy.”
The look in his eyes was the most genuine thing she’d ever seen. She reached her hand to his cheek and gave him a slight smile. He caught her hand and placed a kiss in her palm. He sighed, “I haven’t said it to you in a while, but I love you.”
She fought back the tears the best she could before he took her hand and placed it on his forearm before they left the room.
*~*
Hermione watched, as did the rest of the large crowd that was surrounded around the scene in the Ministry. She knew one of Draco’s parts was coming up and smiled affectionately as she thought about her husband.
And there he was. She knew he wasn’t happy about putting himself out there so publicly, but she was happy to see that he was surviving, which was more than she could say for herself, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly, there were children standing behind him, and Hermione had to smile at how cute they were, and before she knew it, she had tears running down her face, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." Several of the kids bowed to the clapping audience as others ran off quickly.
The play lasted only thirty minutes more, several of the high ranking officials having been coaxed into parts, while the children were the kids of some officials. The other children belonged to those in the Wizarding community who thought they might enjoy something like this. She smiled as she watched one adult and two children, the shepherds, bow to the new baby Jesus. She felt something strange, like something she hadn’t felt in a long time. She looked down as she tried to fight off the tears, wondering how she knew that everything would be okay.
It was fifteen minutes more and the play was over and everyone was bowing, while the audience whooped and hollered for those brave enough to put themselves out there. She sat on the bench waiting for Draco, but she stared at the manger. She didn’t know why she felt everything would work itself out. She didn’t know why she believed that voice in her head that told her that things would be taken care of, she would be taken care of. But she did. She jumped when Draco put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you alright?”
She nodded and stood. His halo had gone crooked and she covered her mouth to keep from laughing out right. She reached up and adjusted it, pushing her body against his, causing her to remember how much she had missed being in his arms.
“Take me home, Draco,” she said in a raspy whisper. She couldn’t seem to find her voice, and she figured it had something to do with not using it for so long.
Draco caught her hand and Apparated them into the foyer of their house. It was only seconds later when they’d heard the melodious voices of children and parents singing outside. She walked to the door and opened it, smiling as the group of carol singers launched into a beautiful version of Silent Night.
She felt Draco behind her, and for some reason, she wanted his comfort right then. She wanted his arms around her, she wanted to feel safe. After months apart, she realized how much she had missed the casual touches they used to give one another. She had missed his smell, that familiar sandalwood smell. It always reminded her of him. She missed the heat his body put out when they slept. She missed everything about him. In mourning the loss of their daughter, she’d nearly lost her husband. She never thought he would leave her, but she pushed him away, trying to distance herself from the look of loathing that had to be in his eyes. She was afraid he blamed her for Andrea’s death. She blinked back, knowing in her head that she’d done everything she could do to properly care for their unborn child, but now her heart seemed to be taking the hint as well.
The carol singers finished and both Hermione and Draco clapped before they walked away. Hermione closed the door as Draco removed the halo from his head, “How was I?” She smiled and nodded enthusiastically. “Come on, I’ve got your present,” he said as he led her into the library where a large undecorated tree stood in front of the bay window. She looked at the boxes sitting around, full of ornaments and lights and she tilted her head at him until he turned to look at her, a large box in hand. She glanced at the tree and he blushed a bit. “I-I started to decorate it, see, there’s half a strand of lights on the tree. But...it felt wrong. We decorate it together, and...I didn’t want to do it without you.”
She released a soft breath and fell more in love with him. Her absence from his life had taken its toll. She didn’t see that he was hurting, she knew he was, but she didn’t think his grief could even compare to how she was feeling, and thought little of cutting him out. In his world, he’d lost a daughter and his wife. “Come on,” he said as he tugged her in front of the fireplace. He lit the fire and sat her down on the rug in front of it. He handed her the present as she opened it and found not one, but two things inside.
The first was a leather bound book that read “Draco and Hermione Malfoy” and as she opened it, she found it filled with photographs of them together at various events, out with friends, on their honeymoon, and the last picture was the one that brought tears to her eyes. They were in Greece, on the cliffs outside their villa, and she had her back to Draco’s chest, and he was holding her tight. She had her head turned to him and he was rubbing his nose with hers before he would place a kiss on the tip and start again.
“Do you like it?”
She nodded as tears streamed down her face. The next present was simple. A large cashmere blanket that matched the red dress she had on. She looked up at him, never knowing him to buy something that didn’t sparkle, not that she was complaining.
“You liked to sit in front of the fire and read, and sometimes you let the fire go out and I thought if you had this, you’d be warm still.”
She set the blanket and photo album aside as she moved to her knees and kissed him. He was shocked at first but she felt him melt into the kiss and pulled her into his lap. She pulled away, frantic as she began whispering, “I’m sorry.”
“For what? Why are you sorry?” he asked patiently.
“I’m sorry I pushed you away, I’m sorry I cut you out,” she said in a breathy voice.
He shook his head. “You were hurting.”
“So, were you.” She leaned her head against his shoulder as they sat in silence. “I was...” she cleared her throat and frowned, “I was afraid you would hate me.”
He stiffened, “Why would I ever hate you?”
“Because I lost Andrea.”
He shook his head, “Darling, that wasn’t your fault. I knew that then and I know it now. I never blamed you.”
She felt herself breaking down, “I didn’t want to risk it.”
“Hermione, you’ve always been more to me than some baby-making machine. I would never hate you for something you couldn’t control.”
She felt like she couldn’t stop the tears, “I’m sorry, Draco. I’m so sorry.”
He rocked her in his arms as she sobbed into his shoulder, “Shh, Hermione, don’t be sorry. You’re not to blame; no one is. Sometimes bad things happen, and as much as we wish we could control them or change some aspect of the past, we can’t.”
She sniffed. “When did you become so insightful.”
He sighed, “I found this group...for fathers who’d lost a child...a grief counseling thing...” he said softly. “I don’t deal with death very well, if the nursery told you anything.” He sighed. “I was so angry at people with children, those people who would tell us how sorry they were, and with God for taking her from us.”
“Talking to those people helped?”
“I’m able to talk about her, aren’t I?” He scowled. “I was angry, Hermione. I was blowing things up all over the house, and I nearly killed one of the house elves...that’s when I realized that something had to happen. It had done nothing at all but make my bed and I almost killed it.”
Hermione brought her hand up at her face. “And I wouldn’t talk to you.”
“I think that was the worst part. I wanted to help you as much as I wanted you to help me...and you just couldn’t. I understood that you needed your space, but then you didn’t want me to touch you at all and I thought you hated me.” He frowned as he continued, “I needed you but you needed to be alone, and I don’t blame you. That’s how you grieved, but I would have given my right arm for you to have said something to me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, crying again. “I didn’t know what to do, Draco. I didn’t...I didn’t know how to move past it. I kept going over everything in my head wondering if there was something I could have done differently.”
“There was nothing, love. It was just...fate. Sick and twisted are the fates, aren’t they? Taking our baby from us before we were ready to let her go.”
“But they put us together.”
He smiled. “That, they did.”
He placed a kiss on her forehead and her hand brought his mouth down to hers. It started as a simple kiss and before she knew it, clothes were being discarded and all she could do was enjoy the feel of his lips on hers, their hands groping at newly bared flesh. He was too thin, she noticed again. He was hard angles and jagged points. She supposed she looked similar, but she hadn’t time to worry over her appearance as they were both naked now and writhing against one another.
Kisses, bites, nips, licks, all added into their rough need for one another. Her hands couldn’t settle on one place. She couldn’t keep from touching him; his neck, shoulders, back, arse, hips, back again. She was wet already and it had only been kisses, needy, hungry kisses. “Love me, Draco,” she whispered.
She felt his erection at her entrance and groaned as it grazed her clit. “Always,” he replied as he slid inside of her. Tears sprang to her eyes as she stretched to accommodate his length and width, understanding how much she’d truly missed him. It had been a long time, she thought as she stared into his eyes. She didn’t know how much she’d missed his touch, his caress, his kiss, his body against hers, inside hers.
She leaned up and kissed him as his thrusts sped up. She knew she’d probably have rug burn on her back and arse, but she hardly cared at that moment. She felt his hand on her hip graze her tummy before it slipped down and teased the little bundle of nerves, and she bucked up against him as she came. She shivered and quaked in his arms as she let out soft mewls of pleasure after she came. Draco was soon behind her, spilling his seed inside her before he collapsed on top of her. He went to move off of her, but she held him close. He placed kisses along her jaw and she felt content for the first time in months.
*~*
Hermione sat in her chair in front of the fire place, staring at the flames. It had been a year since that Christmas. She would still sit in front of the fire, staring into space as she reflected back on her life. She didn’t look at the bed because she knew what she would find. The room was silent as she curled her legs beneath her, careful to not let the blanket fall to the ground.
Suddenly, the piercing wail of a baby filled the room as she stood and walked into the adjoining nursery to retrieve their son. Moments later, as she finished changing his nappy, she lifted him into her arms and felt a set of hands on her shoulder, “What’s the matter?” Draco asked as he stood, his eyes half closed and his hair sticking up at every end.
“Nothing, just needed his nappy changed.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek and whispered, “Go back to bed, love.”
He yawned and shook his head, “I can stay up with you.”
Hermione moved back into their bedroom and sat in the rocking chair Draco had placed by the fire. He picked up the red blanket and placed it on her lap before he took a seat in her chair. “You really don’t have to stay up, Draco.”
He shook his head, “How many times do I have to tell you...I need you in the bed with me so I can fall to sleep.”
She smiled. “Fine, suit yourself,” she said as she looked down into the face of her two week old son. “He’s so beautiful, Draco.”
When he said nothing, she looked over to see that he was asleep. She sighed contentedly and looked into the fire, thanking God for giving her the angel in her arms and the one asleep in the chair.
~Fin
Three things you want your fic to include: wassailing(caroling), a Nativity
scene with Draco as the Angel, a silent night
Three things you do not want your fic to include: lots of fluff, not
post-HBP, no Americanism (the characters are British, make them
British)
Title: Love's Pure Light
Author: ashleyfanfic
Rating: R
Disclaimer: These are JKR's characters, I'm just playing with them and I'll put them back the way I found them...sort of.
Summary: Draco and Hermione come together again
Warning: Talk of baby death...
Author's Notes: Yeah, I had a hard time with this challenge. I hope it's what you wanted and that you like it because it was really difficult for me to get everything you wanted into this one. Thanks to inell for betaing this for me.
She stared into the fire, which she seemed to do more of in the last six months than she’d ever done in her entire life. She felt consumed by her thoughts, so lost and hurt that she didn’t know when she would ever come back from it. She felt there was no comfort for her grief, no going back to the days when she was just a simple happy girl with nothing to worry about. She’d lost the most precious thing in the world to her and the only other person who could understand her pain she didn’t want anywhere near her.
She didn’t hate him. She loved him, really. But the thought of allowing herself to be bedded again and to lose everything once more scared her in ways she couldn’t even voice. After the third time he tried to take her hand, six months ago, and she had flinched, he’s stopped trying. That must have hurt him as well. But she wasn’t ready for that kind of comfort. She didn’t want him to take all the pain away. What she wanted was her baby back, and he couldn’t give her that.
He had actually taken to staying in his study as much as possible, as well as a different bed. She didn’t like what their marriage had become, but her grief and pain were overruling her love for him. She didn’t want to see him out of fear that she would fling herself into his arms. She didn’t want him to touch her for fear that she might fall into the same trap. She couldn’t allow herself to fall victim to the sound of his voice and make the same mistakes they had before.
She sighed as she looked down at the ring on her hand. The white gold band glistened in the firelight, tormenting her from its resting place on her finger. It reminded her of what she used to be, what they used to be. Happy. She didn’t think she could ever be happy again. She’d lost her baby before she’d ever met her; she had died. Tears sprang to her eyes with this thought. She’d thought she had done everything right. She’d taken care of herself, and her husband had nearly waited on her hand and foot. But that day, that horrible day, she hadn’t felt the baby move. She thought that might be common, but after the second day, she knew, and couldn’t even put it into words for him to understand.
Only after she was at the hospital did she tell her husband that the baby hadn’t moved in two days and she thought she had lost the baby. Her suspicions were confirmed when the doctor entered the room, his eyes downcast. She started crying then, and didn’t stop for a month. She could hardly breathe with the pain that had settled over her chest. She’d gone back home, finding everything in the nursery destroyed, something she had looked forward to doing herself. He’d stood behind her, looking sheepish and scared. She’d said nothing as she’d gone to her their room by herself and locked herself in.
He made sure she ate; at the same time every day, food would arrive in her room. She’d eat a bite here and there, but couldn’t seem to hold anything down for too long. He’d grown concerned about her, and made sure to visit. She could see the dark circles under his eyes, and knew that this was taking its toll on him as much as it was her. After the third week of her not talking to him, not even a yes or no, he’d given up talking. He would bring her a book every once in a while, something she might enjoy reading while she was alone in her solitude, but she didn’t read. She just stared into the fire, wishing it would consume her so she wouldn’t have to feel this sort of pain anymore.
There was a knock at the door and she turned to see him enter, his hands hidden behind his back. It had to be hard on him. They had been so close, best friends, before this had happened. Now, she flinched from his touch and he was powerless to help her out of her misery. He’d lost weight. He was thin before, but he looked gaunt, and it saddened her. He was such a beautiful, handsome man before their hearts were broken.
“I have something to tell you.”
She watched him as he took the seat beside her and placed a circle lined with golden tensile on the table between them. She tilted her head to the side, trying to figure out what it was he’d just set beside her. She looked up at him with one eyebrow raised.
“It’s a halo. I was picked to be the angel in the upcoming nativity scene the Ministry will be hosting.” He looked hopeful, “I was hoping you’d come with me a week from tonight, as moral support.”
The unguarded look on his face, knowing how hard it was for him to show any sort of emotion, made her want to say yes. She felt tears well up in her eyes as she looked back at the fire and shook her head ‘no’. She didn’t want to see his face fall, the utter disappointment, she was sure, was written on her face. She didn’t want to see the sadness in his eyes.
“Why? Please, just...I’ve left you alone. I’ve not bothered you, not asked you for anything since we lost her.” She turned to look at him, their baby a subject they never spoke of, “All I’m asking is that you do this one thing. An hour at best. Please.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat, afraid she would let the sob burst forward if she didn’t. She turned from him again, and nodded before she looked down at her ring. She heard him release a deep breath and he stood, “I’ll leave you alone now,” he said before he leaned down to place a kiss on top of her head.
And he did. She noticed that he’d picked up the halo as it was no longer sitting on the table, and frowned at the now empty room. Again, she was alone.
*~*
The days came and went faster than she thought possible, and before she knew it, she was standing in front of her full length mirror, her hair pulled up, a lovely red dress on her body as she put on the locket he’d given her for their second wedding anniversary.
The knock on her door caused her to turn as first a gold halo peaked in, then the head of her husband. He smiled warmly at her as he walked completely into the room, causing her to smile. He looked down, a sneer to his lips, “I look like a ponce, don’t I?”
She chuckled and shook her head. She held out her charm bracelet, a gift for her birthday last year, as he walked to her and took it from her. She watched as he bit his lip at trying to get the clasp to fasten as he put it on her right wrist. She took care to notice that the wings were excellently done out of what appeared to be Hippogriff feathers. She hoped not, but they did look marvelous. The long robe he wore was tied off at the waist with a gold rope.
“Your friends will be there tonight. They’ll be happy to see you.”
She frowned but said nothing.
“Do you not want to see them?”
She shrugged and he sighed.
“Would you please talk to me?” he asked desperately.
She frowned as she looked down at her hand still in his. She didn’t know what it was he wanted her to say. She felt as if nothing she said would make a difference. She glanced up to see that he was staring at their fingers still clasped together.
He sighed, “You look beautiful.” Her eyes met his and she gave him a small smile. “I want you to enjoy yourself.” She gave him a look clearly stating that she was happy to have his permission to do so, and he shook his head. “I didn’t mean it that way. This is just the first time since Andrea...” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I just want you to be happy.”
The look in his eyes was the most genuine thing she’d ever seen. She reached her hand to his cheek and gave him a slight smile. He caught her hand and placed a kiss in her palm. He sighed, “I haven’t said it to you in a while, but I love you.”
She fought back the tears the best she could before he took her hand and placed it on his forearm before they left the room.
*~*
Hermione watched, as did the rest of the large crowd that was surrounded around the scene in the Ministry. She knew one of Draco’s parts was coming up and smiled affectionately as she thought about her husband.
And there he was. She knew he wasn’t happy about putting himself out there so publicly, but she was happy to see that he was surviving, which was more than she could say for herself, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly, there were children standing behind him, and Hermione had to smile at how cute they were, and before she knew it, she had tears running down her face, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." Several of the kids bowed to the clapping audience as others ran off quickly.
The play lasted only thirty minutes more, several of the high ranking officials having been coaxed into parts, while the children were the kids of some officials. The other children belonged to those in the Wizarding community who thought they might enjoy something like this. She smiled as she watched one adult and two children, the shepherds, bow to the new baby Jesus. She felt something strange, like something she hadn’t felt in a long time. She looked down as she tried to fight off the tears, wondering how she knew that everything would be okay.
It was fifteen minutes more and the play was over and everyone was bowing, while the audience whooped and hollered for those brave enough to put themselves out there. She sat on the bench waiting for Draco, but she stared at the manger. She didn’t know why she felt everything would work itself out. She didn’t know why she believed that voice in her head that told her that things would be taken care of, she would be taken care of. But she did. She jumped when Draco put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you alright?”
She nodded and stood. His halo had gone crooked and she covered her mouth to keep from laughing out right. She reached up and adjusted it, pushing her body against his, causing her to remember how much she had missed being in his arms.
“Take me home, Draco,” she said in a raspy whisper. She couldn’t seem to find her voice, and she figured it had something to do with not using it for so long.
Draco caught her hand and Apparated them into the foyer of their house. It was only seconds later when they’d heard the melodious voices of children and parents singing outside. She walked to the door and opened it, smiling as the group of carol singers launched into a beautiful version of Silent Night.
She felt Draco behind her, and for some reason, she wanted his comfort right then. She wanted his arms around her, she wanted to feel safe. After months apart, she realized how much she had missed the casual touches they used to give one another. She had missed his smell, that familiar sandalwood smell. It always reminded her of him. She missed the heat his body put out when they slept. She missed everything about him. In mourning the loss of their daughter, she’d nearly lost her husband. She never thought he would leave her, but she pushed him away, trying to distance herself from the look of loathing that had to be in his eyes. She was afraid he blamed her for Andrea’s death. She blinked back, knowing in her head that she’d done everything she could do to properly care for their unborn child, but now her heart seemed to be taking the hint as well.
The carol singers finished and both Hermione and Draco clapped before they walked away. Hermione closed the door as Draco removed the halo from his head, “How was I?” She smiled and nodded enthusiastically. “Come on, I’ve got your present,” he said as he led her into the library where a large undecorated tree stood in front of the bay window. She looked at the boxes sitting around, full of ornaments and lights and she tilted her head at him until he turned to look at her, a large box in hand. She glanced at the tree and he blushed a bit. “I-I started to decorate it, see, there’s half a strand of lights on the tree. But...it felt wrong. We decorate it together, and...I didn’t want to do it without you.”
She released a soft breath and fell more in love with him. Her absence from his life had taken its toll. She didn’t see that he was hurting, she knew he was, but she didn’t think his grief could even compare to how she was feeling, and thought little of cutting him out. In his world, he’d lost a daughter and his wife. “Come on,” he said as he tugged her in front of the fireplace. He lit the fire and sat her down on the rug in front of it. He handed her the present as she opened it and found not one, but two things inside.
The first was a leather bound book that read “Draco and Hermione Malfoy” and as she opened it, she found it filled with photographs of them together at various events, out with friends, on their honeymoon, and the last picture was the one that brought tears to her eyes. They were in Greece, on the cliffs outside their villa, and she had her back to Draco’s chest, and he was holding her tight. She had her head turned to him and he was rubbing his nose with hers before he would place a kiss on the tip and start again.
“Do you like it?”
She nodded as tears streamed down her face. The next present was simple. A large cashmere blanket that matched the red dress she had on. She looked up at him, never knowing him to buy something that didn’t sparkle, not that she was complaining.
“You liked to sit in front of the fire and read, and sometimes you let the fire go out and I thought if you had this, you’d be warm still.”
She set the blanket and photo album aside as she moved to her knees and kissed him. He was shocked at first but she felt him melt into the kiss and pulled her into his lap. She pulled away, frantic as she began whispering, “I’m sorry.”
“For what? Why are you sorry?” he asked patiently.
“I’m sorry I pushed you away, I’m sorry I cut you out,” she said in a breathy voice.
He shook his head. “You were hurting.”
“So, were you.” She leaned her head against his shoulder as they sat in silence. “I was...” she cleared her throat and frowned, “I was afraid you would hate me.”
He stiffened, “Why would I ever hate you?”
“Because I lost Andrea.”
He shook his head, “Darling, that wasn’t your fault. I knew that then and I know it now. I never blamed you.”
She felt herself breaking down, “I didn’t want to risk it.”
“Hermione, you’ve always been more to me than some baby-making machine. I would never hate you for something you couldn’t control.”
She felt like she couldn’t stop the tears, “I’m sorry, Draco. I’m so sorry.”
He rocked her in his arms as she sobbed into his shoulder, “Shh, Hermione, don’t be sorry. You’re not to blame; no one is. Sometimes bad things happen, and as much as we wish we could control them or change some aspect of the past, we can’t.”
She sniffed. “When did you become so insightful.”
He sighed, “I found this group...for fathers who’d lost a child...a grief counseling thing...” he said softly. “I don’t deal with death very well, if the nursery told you anything.” He sighed. “I was so angry at people with children, those people who would tell us how sorry they were, and with God for taking her from us.”
“Talking to those people helped?”
“I’m able to talk about her, aren’t I?” He scowled. “I was angry, Hermione. I was blowing things up all over the house, and I nearly killed one of the house elves...that’s when I realized that something had to happen. It had done nothing at all but make my bed and I almost killed it.”
Hermione brought her hand up at her face. “And I wouldn’t talk to you.”
“I think that was the worst part. I wanted to help you as much as I wanted you to help me...and you just couldn’t. I understood that you needed your space, but then you didn’t want me to touch you at all and I thought you hated me.” He frowned as he continued, “I needed you but you needed to be alone, and I don’t blame you. That’s how you grieved, but I would have given my right arm for you to have said something to me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, crying again. “I didn’t know what to do, Draco. I didn’t...I didn’t know how to move past it. I kept going over everything in my head wondering if there was something I could have done differently.”
“There was nothing, love. It was just...fate. Sick and twisted are the fates, aren’t they? Taking our baby from us before we were ready to let her go.”
“But they put us together.”
He smiled. “That, they did.”
He placed a kiss on her forehead and her hand brought his mouth down to hers. It started as a simple kiss and before she knew it, clothes were being discarded and all she could do was enjoy the feel of his lips on hers, their hands groping at newly bared flesh. He was too thin, she noticed again. He was hard angles and jagged points. She supposed she looked similar, but she hadn’t time to worry over her appearance as they were both naked now and writhing against one another.
Kisses, bites, nips, licks, all added into their rough need for one another. Her hands couldn’t settle on one place. She couldn’t keep from touching him; his neck, shoulders, back, arse, hips, back again. She was wet already and it had only been kisses, needy, hungry kisses. “Love me, Draco,” she whispered.
She felt his erection at her entrance and groaned as it grazed her clit. “Always,” he replied as he slid inside of her. Tears sprang to her eyes as she stretched to accommodate his length and width, understanding how much she’d truly missed him. It had been a long time, she thought as she stared into his eyes. She didn’t know how much she’d missed his touch, his caress, his kiss, his body against hers, inside hers.
She leaned up and kissed him as his thrusts sped up. She knew she’d probably have rug burn on her back and arse, but she hardly cared at that moment. She felt his hand on her hip graze her tummy before it slipped down and teased the little bundle of nerves, and she bucked up against him as she came. She shivered and quaked in his arms as she let out soft mewls of pleasure after she came. Draco was soon behind her, spilling his seed inside her before he collapsed on top of her. He went to move off of her, but she held him close. He placed kisses along her jaw and she felt content for the first time in months.
*~*
Hermione sat in her chair in front of the fire place, staring at the flames. It had been a year since that Christmas. She would still sit in front of the fire, staring into space as she reflected back on her life. She didn’t look at the bed because she knew what she would find. The room was silent as she curled her legs beneath her, careful to not let the blanket fall to the ground.
Suddenly, the piercing wail of a baby filled the room as she stood and walked into the adjoining nursery to retrieve their son. Moments later, as she finished changing his nappy, she lifted him into her arms and felt a set of hands on her shoulder, “What’s the matter?” Draco asked as he stood, his eyes half closed and his hair sticking up at every end.
“Nothing, just needed his nappy changed.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek and whispered, “Go back to bed, love.”
He yawned and shook his head, “I can stay up with you.”
Hermione moved back into their bedroom and sat in the rocking chair Draco had placed by the fire. He picked up the red blanket and placed it on her lap before he took a seat in her chair. “You really don’t have to stay up, Draco.”
He shook his head, “How many times do I have to tell you...I need you in the bed with me so I can fall to sleep.”
She smiled. “Fine, suit yourself,” she said as she looked down into the face of her two week old son. “He’s so beautiful, Draco.”
When he said nothing, she looked over to see that he was asleep. She sighed contentedly and looked into the fire, thanking God for giving her the angel in her arms and the one asleep in the chair.
~Fin
Three things you want your fic to include: wassailing(caroling), a Nativity
scene with Draco as the Angel, a silent night
Three things you do not want your fic to include: lots of fluff, not
post-HBP, no Americanism (the characters are British, make them
British)