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So, my brothers started watching this show a long time ago. Well, at the beginning of December, my mom started watching it. I knew it existed, but as zombies give me the heebs more than anything else, I have avoided even previews of it. So, one day, she was at my brother’s apartment and as I don’t have a key for the house, I had to go to his apartment to wait for her to get ready to leave. Well, she was there watching it. The first episode I ever saw was Season 2 Episode 1. Needless to say, we watched it, then moved on to the second one, and she was ready to go by the end of the second one and I made her stay for one more. This show sucked me in. Granted, I’ve had nightmares about it, but I can’t stop watching it, now. So, mom got Seasons 1 and 2 for Christmas and we spent Monday through yesterday watching all of the episodes. I’ve seen Season 3 Episode 1 as I downloaded it from Itunes when I got to work, but I have some thoughts I thought I would share.

( cut to spare those who haven’t seen and don’t want spoilers )

Moving here permanently. LJ's new changes are not to my liking. Why are they trying to fix something that isn't broken. LJ works as it is. I've stayed with it for so long because I like the way it works! It just makes me sad.

So, my cousin Christy told us about this marathon that happens in B'ham in like April or May and it's 13.1 miles through the city. I've decided I'm going to do everything I can to do it. It's a goal. A life goal. I want to be successful.

I did a quarter mile on the treadmill yesterday but I didn't do any today. I feel bad about it. But tomorrow I'm going to do a mile. I'll let you know my progress.

Current Music: New Kids on the Block feat. Lady Gaga - Big Girl Now

So, last night as I was trying to go to sleep, I had the most horrible stomach cramps and then nausea I couldn't control! My chest and face hurt from how hard I was throwing up. And throwing up spaghetti, too. That really burned.

Even though that happened, I was still determined this morning to do a little bit on the treadmill. I only did a quarter of a mile, but I thought that a little bit was better than nothing.

Exercise: 1/4 mile
Food eaten: Garlic bread

So, I wasn't sure what to do with this journal and it's been sitting idle for a while. But I decided that I was going to use it to track my weight loss.

So, for my first post, I'll let you know of my progress so far.

Since Monday, I have walked 1 mile on the treadmill, never slower than 2.5 miles an hour. That's pretty damn good for me. I'm a pretty hefty person. I may not look like I weigh as much as I do, but I feel like a lot of it is in my boobs, which are huge. To the point that I have to special order bras. However, I feel like they are now getting smaller. That suits me just fine. Nothing like rolling over in the middle of the night to find you're squishing one of them.

I plan to eventually post how much weight I've lost at the end of each week.

I'm also trying to do better on the eating front. I'm not one that can go without food. Food and I have had a 28 year long relationship and it's going to be hard to break that bond. I mean, I got off the treadmill the other day and I really really really wanted some fried chicken. That's not good, is it?

I've found that if I'm watching something while I work out, that it helps the time pass much faster. I usually do it while Rachel Ray or The Price is Right is on. I'm telling you, time goes so much faster when I do it that way.

But the good news is that I'm determined. I'm going to fight for this. I've never been thin. I've never felt pretty. I want those things. I want them with all my being. I'm going to fight for this. I'm going to do everything I can to get healthier and be able to shop in normal stores and buy clothes that don't have Winnie the Pooh on them.

I've found that I hate exercising. I hate it. Like, I loathe it with every fiber of my being and while I'm doing it I ask myself why am I doing this? But when I'm finished, I feel accomplished. I feel...better. I'm happy.

I never would have thought in a million years that I would type those words.

Exercise: 1 mile speedwalking
Food eaten: chicken fingers, fries, and spaghetti

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Alone - Heart

Day 04 - A song that reminds you of someone

This makes me think of my best friend, Michelle. I got in her car one day and this song came on, because she had the CD in, and she started dancing and singing and it was hilarious!!!

( 31 Days of Music )

A song that makes you sad.

This one tears me up. Like, I have crying fits over this song!!

First time I ever heard it, I was driving and I had to pull over I was crying so hard.

( 31 Days of Music )

Day 02 - A song that makes you happy

Here are several songs ranging in genre and decades

This song always brings a smile to my face and I sing it at the top of my lungs!

I'm from Alabama and this is part of our state heritage (not really). But my mother told me that she saw the original band play this song at Legion Field back in the 70's and during the rockin out part, the guys in the band stomped on the stage so hard that it actually separated and they had to stop playing and fix the stage, then came back out and finished the song.

I have listened to this non-stop. Take one of my favorite shows, mix it with one of my favorite bands, and then throw in my 4 favorite songs...I'm hooked!

Can anyone listen to Bohemian Rhapsody and NOT think of this movie???

I know that my brothers and I, and then Michelle, Seth, and I have all done this very thing in the car to this song!

Stole from

dcod

Day 01 – A favorite song

I clicked on this video and had to listen to the whole song!!

( 31 Days of Music )

So, I'm part of this Dancing with the Stars group and all the people on there have done lately is bitch about who's "rumored" to be on it.

( Rant held within )

I decided that since I've been depressed that the best thing to do is to look at the good things I have. The good outweighs the bad, really.

Good things:
- My family - while they drive me crazy, most days, I know that when I need them there are there with all the love and support they can offer. My Godfather, my dad's youngest brother, just called me today because he was thinking about me and wanted to talk to me. One of my dad's sisters was in the Disney store when it was going out of business and saw some Nightmare Before Christmas stuff and knew I loved it, so she bought it and sent it to me, just because. My dad and mom have done everything they can to make me feel better, to my dad trying to make me laugh because he doesn't like to see me upset. Landon offers hugs and kisses at random times and has come up to me recently and patted me and said "Ashey no cry, ok?"
- My friends - specifically Michelle - is a never ending ream of support. I have to say that while she does get on my nerves occasionally, she's as close to a sister as I will ever have. Thing is, we're both two people who don't let the other wallow and feel sorry for themselves. We kick one another in the ass when we need it, we listen, and we're capable of making the other laugh when no one else can. She is driving four hours the weekend of my birthday just to hang out with me.
- My computer - it's pretty awesome. I bought it as a whole set from Sam's a few years ago. It's a Dell, which is all I will ever own now, and it's fabulous! It has enough room for me to play WoW and keep both Sims 2 and 3.
- World of Warcraft - you have no idea how cathartic it is to go kill some stuff when you're feeling upset.
- Craig Ferguson - I DVR this show because he makes me laugh. I think he's the best late night has to offer. I really like that he rarely ever talks to the people about what they're there to plug. Some of my favorite recent guests: Tom Felton, Robert Downy Jr., Tim Allen, Gerard Butler, and Emma Thompson. I also love his little cussing rabbit, Sid.
- That 70's Show and Big Bang Theory - I love these two shows. I've seen some episodes of That 70's Show so many times I can recite the words. Big Bang Theory, I love this show the more I watch it.
- The soundtracks of Glee - Truly has helped me get through today. "Don't Stop Believing", "Dream On", "Smile", and "Alone" can always bring a smile to my face, and goosebumps to my arms.
- And last but not least, you guys - There is a core group of you that offer never ending support. As long as I've had this journal, I know that I can come here and tell you guys things that I would never tell my real life people and you would never judge me of it. Some of you post things that make me laugh, think, and sometimes go "PLEASE PUT NAKED PEOPLE BEHIND A CUT" but it's almost always entertaining. My last post I cried while I wrote it, but after the love and support you guys sent my way, it really did make me feel better. You're the best online friends that a person could ever have.

So, really, thank you so much guys. Just keep being you.

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: Smile - cast of Glee

So, I told you guys about my student loans...well, I have to withdraw from school tomorrow because I can't cover my tuition. I am also probably going to lose my car in the next day or so. I can't find a job. I even applied at McDonalds and was told they were not hiring. McDonalds is ALWAYS hiring. But when I need a job, there isn't one.

I'm really depressed. I've probably cried every day since last Monday. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm just stressed out and really unhappy. I don't know what to do. Also, my kidney is hurting, and I'm afraid that it is only going to get worse and instead of a kidney infection, which I can ward off with AZO standard, that it will turn out to be another kidney stone.

I'm trying to have faith that it will get better, but it's really hard when I feel like crap.

Been listening to this song to make me feel better, but it hasn't worked yet.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
you'll get by.

If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun shining through
For you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.
~ Smile
~ Charlie Chaplin

So, I've been roaming the internet before class starts looking for spoilers for Young and the Restless and I came across this message board and what I saw there just really freaked me out.

On Young and the Restless, there is a character named Adam Newman. He hates his father and brothers and sisters and went about making all their lives miserable for months. Even to the point of driving his father's wife crazy and making her think she saw a ghost. One night, when he was doing this, he even caused her to fall down the stairs while she was pregnant and lose her baby. He called up a OBGYN that he was blackmailing and made the guy give her a fake ultrasound to show that she was still pregnant. She continued to have hallucinations, created by Adam, to the point where she was eventually checked into an insane asylum.

Meanwhile, Sharon, who is pregnant with her ex-husband's baby, only he doesn't know at first that it's his, is also having some real problems dealing with life. She gets arrested for shoplifting and as a way to stay out of jail ends up in the same insane Asylum as Ashley. Adam and the Doctor stayed close to the hospital and one night, while the hospital is in lock down, Adam is in the room with Ashley, his father's wife, and the Doctor is in the room with Sharon as they both go into labor. Well, Ashley is having a hysterical pregnancy and she "beleives" she's going into labor. Adam gives her a sedative and knocks her out. The doctor delivers Sharon's baby and goes into the hallway where Adam meets him and takes the baby from him and then carries it in to Ashley. He made the doc tell Sharon that her baby died.

So, for months, Sharon grieves the loss of her baby and Adam starts to get close to her and they fall in love. Adam never tells her about it baby. It eventually comes out that the baby that Ashley believes is hers is actually Sharon and Nick's and Adam had switched them (they find this out by a note left by the doctor should he die, which he did, and Adam was involved). Sharon and Nick get the baby back and Adam goes on the run and then fakes his own death in order to escape.

But, Adam is back now and has been released on all charges. He's still pursuing Sharon and Sharon is kind of wishy washy.

Here's my issue. This man STOLE her baby. He sat and watched her suffer with the knowledge that her baby had died and never told her the truth. In fact, he still maintains his innocence as much as he can and is nearly stalking Sharon. But there are people on this message board that think that Adam and Sharon should be together! I know that people on this show have done horrible things to one another, but come on! He STOLE HER BABY!! He allowed her to suffer to save himself. If she takes Adam back, I will never watch this show again. Period. I think it's reprehensible that he was even allowed back into the city and they didn't throw him under the jail.

This just really irritated me and I need a place to voice it.

I really hate my life right now. Everything that could go wrong today has gone wrong.

- I go get my financial aid straightened out only to find out that they aren't giving me everything I need because of what I made LAST year. Instead of the full amount I need for the year, I got enough to cover one semester.
- I had to have my dad buy my books, which I really didn't want to do.
- It rained all day.
- I just got in a huge fight with my mom. I was sitting in my room installing something on my computer for my class and I hear her talking to my aunt on the phone. She's basically bad-mouthing me and my brothers because she had to clean the kitchen. Big surprise there, not really. My brothers never clean and I haven't been here. So, I'm not really listening until I hear my name and then she starts saying how I said that I wasn't cleaning the kitchen because I didn't make the mess. That is total and utter bullshit. On second thought, I should have let it go, but I don't like people lying about me. So I listened to it for about two more minutes of her putting words in my mouth that I never said and I walked in there and called her a "Fucking liar". Now, I shouldn't have said that, and I apologized, but do you think she apologized to me for lying? FUCK NO! I'm the evil bitch that made her clean the kitchen. I'm the only one that cares if she eats, I'm the only one that does clean the house when it needs to be done, and I'm the only one that she spends time with. I take offense to her first lying on me and then storming off and throwing a fucking temper tantrum because I called her on her lying.

I just want to go to bed and pretend like today never happened.

So, the first two classes I went to yesterday have me super excited. The first one is like an introduction to Word, Excel, Access, and Power Point. Can we say easy A? The second class is introduction to computer programming! We'll be using......VISUAL BASIC! SO EXCITED TO LEARN HOW TO USE THIS PROGRAM! And we get a free copy of it with our book!!!!!

Today I have Stats 2 and Calculus. UGH! I'm glad I put these two together because I dread them both.

My Q & A is posted over at

hawthorn_vine -- go read and ask me questions.

Oh yeah, I got a pretty banner too!

Photographer's pictures for Brittni and Adam's wedding!!

Jaimie Champagne Photography

My favorite is the one of Landon giving Brittni a kiss!

Stolen from

chavelaprincess

I’M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I’m EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I’m BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I’m JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I’m GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I’m ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I’m RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I don’t have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I’m a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I’m IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I’m INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I’m NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I’m a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.

I’m RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I’m “GOOD LOOKIN”, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A’S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I’m a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I’m COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I’m GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be gay too.

I’m a VIRGIN so i MUST be prude.

I play VIDEO GAMES, so I MUST be a nerd.

I’m BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I’m BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.

I’m a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I’m SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I’m CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I’m MIXED so I must be fucked up.

I’m MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I’m in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I’m BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.

I’m GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

I Love SHOPPING so I must be rich.

I’m ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I’m YOUNG, so I MUST be naive

I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant

I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life

I wear what I WANT, so I MUST be a poser

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.

I’m EMOTIONAL, so I MUST be depressed

I’m a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious.

I’m POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher’s pet.

I SMILE a lot, so I MUST be preppy.

I’m AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries.

I’m a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports.

I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd.

I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don’t.

I’m a TEENAGER, so I MUST have no clue

I’m a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser

I care about the ENVIRONMENT…I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.

I am A DREAMER, so I MUST be unrealistic.

I HAVE MANY DIFFERENT INTERESTS, so I MUST be unable to commit to one thing.

I love the show, Memphis Beat. I like cop shows that have a little bit of humor with them and with Jason Lee it couldn't help but have a little humor. I also love that the show is set in Memphis and they actually use real Memphis landmarks in their show.

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December 2012

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Endless Summer Nights

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The Walking Dead

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a minor bump in the road

Weightloss journal

31 Days of Music - Day 4

A song that makes you sad

31 Days of Music

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Life is sucking up one side and down the other

Young and the Restless

I hate my life

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